Being confident and building self-esteem boosts your ability to conquer challenges and pursue your goals. Getting to a place in your life where you can state that you are confident is the ultimate accomplishment.
As a young adult, it is hard to believe that you are confident when you barely know who you are. If you do know who you are, kudos to you!
If you are reading this, I totally understand where you are in this moment. No confidence, some, or a lot. Sometimes confidence comes in waves or seasons, if you will.
Acquiring these things can be difficult because we are our biggest critics.
But what is self-confidence? What is self-esteem?
According to the Oxford Languages:
Self-confidence is “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
Self-esteem is “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities, self-respect.”
Understanding Self-Confidence
Think about something that you are really good at. Certain subjects in school, art, sports, hobbies, jobs, etc. When you are put in a situation to conquer something you are good at, you achieve having self-confidence.
You feel good about what you are doing and may even have adrenaline when completing it. It is ultimately the belief in yourself and your skills.
Often times, confidence can be confused with arrogance. Boasting about looks and skills doesn’t make anyone look confident. Someone who is confident, doesn’t have to convince anyone but themselves.
Remember that on your journey to gaining this amazing quality.
Understanding Self-Esteem
It is really hard to master having true self-esteem. Like I mentioned before, you are your biggest critic. Having self-esteem means that you know your worth and you will protect your value at all costs.
It means to stand up for yourself and pick the battle you want to fight. Good self-esteem is when you don’t dwell on your negative experiences but, use those experiences to navigate a positive future for yourself.
Sometimes having self-esteem can be seen in other’s eyes as selfish. Being willing to put yourself first in situations in order to protect yourself is extremely important.
Where Do You Stand?
Think about where you are in this current moment and the feelings you have towards and about yourself. Do you have good feelings or bad feelings? What can you improve on?
Look, we all constantly need to grow and learn in certain areas within ourselves. Learn to recognize and appreciate your weaknesses.
It is all a part of embracing who you are (the good and not-so-good). Not only this, but recognizing these things believe it or not, can help you grow your confidence and self-esteem.
Building Confidence
Once you have recognized one or more things to work on, create an obtainable goal for yourself. It is important to set small goals at first because it builds a path of milestones for yourself.
It is great to have big goals too! Remember, it may take some time to get there too, and that is okay. Be patient and gentle with yourself.
I struggled (and still do) with having confidence in myself. Build goals such as speaking with new people, wearing new clothes, or even with exams, whatever it may be.
The best lesson I learned was to challenge myself in places I was uncomfortable. I recently went to a kickback and was surrounded by many people that I didn’t know. I pushed myself to make new connections. Sure enough, it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.
I do suffer from anxiety and tend to have an overwhelming amount of social anxiety, so trust me, I understand how hard it can be to put yourself out there and then also having confidence while doing it.
Get uncomfortable! It is all a part of learning.
Acquiring Healthy Self-Esteem
Having positive self-talk is one of the most essential things about having self-esteem. It is one of those things where you have to say it so many times to the point where you believe it.
As weird as it may sound, gaslight yourself into thinking you are that person, and you will believe it eventually.
They don’t say “fake it till you make it” for no reason. It is SO true!
There is something my dad always says to me, and it goes “you are who you surround yourself with.” I used to shrug this off when he would say this to me, because what did he know (a lot lol)?
Think about the humans that are close to you, are they uplifting or negative? Do they seem to see things on the brightside, or do they always have something to make a dig at?
People who are miserable within themselves are usually negative and love to put others down. If you have someone close to you like this, it might be time to ask if they are okay, or respectfully distance yourself.
Setbacks and Challenges
Becoming a more confident version of yourself is so empowering! But it does have some backlash that is inevitable.
People will still make comments about certain things, whether it be your looks, the way you dress, or even down to your hobbies.
I have someone really close to me who loves to give me all kinds of crap because I love to crochet. While I am young and it is known to be an “old people” hobby, I still enjoy it.
It may be all fun and games in their head, but it got old quick. It hurt at first, but then I started to look at it as they have nothing better to do so they are going to take their misery out on me.
When you make that significant flip in your perception, it changes the whole game.
People who make mean comments are weird. I have learned that if you actually vocalize that and say, “that is a weird comment to make,” it flips it back onto that person.
In my experience, the person becomes extremely defensive and then just looks stupid for saying something like that.
We all start somewhere. Give yourself some grace and keep moving forward! You got this!